Behind The Sun
by goldenshadows
Summary: AU. Neela needs a change after Michael's death and goes to Darfur to help Carter. Ray decides to go with her to make sure she's ok. Bigger summary inside. Eventually RayNeela.
1. Difficult Decisions

This story is going to be an AU and it starts a few months after 21 Guns. Abby and Jerry won't be mentioned, at least not directly because I haven't read any spoilers for series 13, so I don't know the fate of the characters. I assume that Abby will have a miscarriage if she survives, so I'm going to go with that theory of mine. (Sorry am a big luka/abby fan at the moment and was shocked at finale!) Luka is alive and healthy, and still has his job, because at least he was still conscious at the end of the episode! (At the moment I'm blissfully unaware of any cast leaving the show, so I would appreciate it if you know anything, can you tell me? But not everything!)

Also please note that I have never been to America or Africa, so information is taken strictly from the show anda little bit of research I've done. It's told from Neela's point of view, italics are Neela in the present looking back. I know I should be continuing other stories, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone, so here it is. Will update when I can.

_**Behind The Sun**_

_**Chapter One - Difficult decisions **_

_Back then I never thought that things would get better. People always said they would, but I never really believed it. I don't know exactly at what point I decided to change the direction my life was heading in, but I know that it had to do with two things that happened to me since Michael's death in Iraq. The first thing I have to be grateful for is Ray Barnett and of course, I can't forget about Africa._

_I don't know what put the crazy idea in my head. It's not like I'm the adventurous type. I don't live for taking risks. The only thing that came close was getting married and look how that turned out. All I know is that I needed to get out of Chicago, especially after what happened at the end of last year. There are too many bad memories here and I needed distraction. I know what you're thinking; County should be enough of a distraction right? And it's not like Darfur is the dream vacation._

_But like I said to Ray, (in what I vowed was to be the one and only time I ever broke down in front of him, a promise I failed to keep) I feel like all I have is this stupid hospital. No home, no family, nothing of my own. I needed a purpose in my life……._

"I want you to think carefully Neela. This isn't a decision you make lightly," Luka tells me when I ask him about it. He speaks clearly, but it's like he isn't really there and I can't stand the haunted look in his eyes.

"Look, I know you're going through something huge now Luka, so I don't want to pressure you. But I just feel that I have to do this. You said Carter needs volunteers…."

"He always does."

"So here I am, willing volunteer. I know I have my career to think about, so the last thing I should be doing is rushing off. But I talked to Albright and Weaver…and Debenko and they've agreed to make an allowance. Maybe you should think about doing the same? Taking some time off?"

He doesn't answer me, just like I knew he wouldn't. "You're going through something huge too…." then he sighs in defeat and gives me the various forms to sign and information. As I read over various leaflets, I have the vague thought that I'm rushing into similar circumstances that I yelled at Michael for going back to. But he was actually fighting in a war, I'm just helping on the sidelines, I try to reason with myself. I don't dwell on it, I can't.

Little do I know that Ray has also found out about my crazy idea. I'm not happy when I finally open the door on my way out to a probably impatient taxi driver and see him standing there with a fine rain falling around him, holding a suitcase that is dangerously full. I totally lose it. Ignoring his hurt expression I go on with harsh words as I struggle with my own things. The driver rolls his eyes at us and puts out his cigarette, as if we are an old married couple in a heated debate.

"I once told you that you are the best friend I ever had and I meant it. Isn't this just what friends do? Look out for each other?" I remember that part clearly, probably because it is the truth. My answer? Something about not needing anyone to look out for me, not even him. _I know, I was a bitch back then but I've always looked out for myself and I'm good at it. And like luka said I was going through something huge._

On the way to the airport, Ray and I don't speak. Everything outside looks like a black and white photograph, with black business suites, grey sky and buildings. Even the bright colours somehow look dirty.

The plane ride is the longest I've ever sat still for any amount of time…maybe the exception from England to America and I don't like it. I look out at the smooth white clouds below and begin to silently freak out. I am heading into the unknown. New people, new climate, new food and culture. It is practically a different world. I sneak a glance at Ray, listening to his music and wonder if he is thinking the same thing. Of course, there is no way I'll ask him! Well, it's to late now to change my mind. Mostly because I am stuck miles up in the air.

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The first thing that hits you when you step off the plane is the unbearable heat. It's so different to what we left behind it's startling and it's almost hard to breathe. You're not prepared for it. I mean, you've read about it, but really, you start to think how you'll stand it for the several weeks that you're visiting. The airport on the other side is a nightmare. It looks like the whole population of the country is crowded into this tiny space and you can hardly move. The heavy security lines the edge of the crowed and all the exits, hinting at the danger that lies outside. Ray seems to sense my concern and leans forward, helping me collect my things. "You ok?"

I tell him I'm fine as our arguments of before fade away, seeming meaningless and petty on this side of the world. But the issues still remain locked up inside of me and I end up not being able to concentrate and feeling resentful towards everything.

"Talk about claustrophobia!" Ray has to shout over the noise as he collects his bags. Then we have to go through the strict routines of metal detectors and searching bags…..

Realising that I have to talk to him sometime if we're gong to be working together, I tell him to look out for someone with long blonde hair and a name tag with Debbie on it. Ray replies that he can't see a damn thing in all the confusion and I think that's typical.

"Hey there, you Ray and Neela?" the voice is bright and cheery, almost to the point of being too bright and cheery. I look at her sceptically as she leads us outside.

"You're Debbie right?" Ray confirms. "How did you know it was us?"

"You new kids on the block stand out for miles. Also, Carter has photos. Glad you got here in one piece, I thought I'd actually come into the airport this time, you folks from county usually alwaysseem to get yourselves in trouble."

I wonder what that's supposed to mean and start to say so, when I realise that Pratt never said much about his time over here. I end up shutting my mouth as we head into what feels like the heart of the sun.

TBC….


	2. Just Another Day At The Office

Wow. Thank you all so much for your reviews and comments, they really mean a lot. Since you all seem to like this one a lot, I'll give you the second chapter. I had a chance to type it up today while my family are watching the first England game of the world cup. This will start off slow, but there will be plenty of action later on. Descriptions will get better too, i think i have to rewatch the episodes set in africa! Once again, thank you for reviews.

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Just Another Day At The Office**_

As we ride in the jeep to where Carter is working, I try hard to ignore the headache that is slowly but surely growing worse. I wish that I had some tablets or something. I swear that the constant chatter between Ray and Debbie is the cause.

"And just what is wrong with the Dixie Chicks?" Debbie exclaims in mock anger.

"Do I really have to answer that?"

"Sorry, Ray. It's the only music I own. Here at least" Her laughter follows and I wince. Perfect, just perfect.

The rough terrain outside doesn't help matters either, with the constant jerks and movement because of the sandy ground beneath us. I sip my water gratefully as I stare at the endless desert rolling past underneath a sapphire blue sky.

It seems to take ages to get there and I feel relieved when we finally come to a stop. The reality of the situation soon hits me though at the site that greets us. There are hundreds of families, men, women and children of all ages crammed into tiny living spaces. They all look tired and distressed, and you can see the effects of the war that is tearing their country apart reflected in their eyes. Really what was a little headache compared with what was going on here? Lack of food, water and medical supplies made their lives barely liveable. They were basically just surviving.

The vastness of all the problems almost made me want to run and hide. To run back and go home to Chicago. But hiding never helped anyone. And then I realised why Michael had been doomed from the moment he set foot in Iraq. It wasn't just his father pressuring him to go back; he had his own strong sense of honour too. So much, that it had blinded him from the truth. There would always be another war, just round the corner; it had always been that way. But he hadn't given up his fight for peace, even though it killed him. I remember Michael had tried to tell me this in our conversations, but I don't think I ever truly understood. So now she wouldn't give up either.

I turn to Debbie. "Where do we start?" but I don't wait for an answer and walk out in front, heading down to the small town, but not before I hear a comment behind me.

"She doesn't like me does she?"

And Ray's answer - "She's complicated."

We walk in silence and I feel tears threaten again (It seems like I'm always crying these days). Debbie swiftly overtakes me as she leads the way to the clinic, Ray by her side. "I want to help them all," Ray whispers. "I really do."

Debbie gives us an almost wistful smile. "I was young and innocent like you two once," she said. "One at a time Ray. One at a time."

I think to myself that I don't feel particularly young or innocent at the moment.

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If I thought the airport was bad, the clinic was worse. Things back home, although I was used to people, there was always a sense of order somehow. Everything was reasonably controlled. There was none of that here. "Carter! Hey, Carter!" Debbie calls out. Ray and I both smile at the same time in recognition, as John Carter heads in our direction.

"Newbies for you," then she disappears in a whirlwind of colour and motion.

"Hey guys," says Carter, finally catching up to us.

"Hey," Ray replies. "You're not exactly living the life of luxury out here are you?"

"Ray!" I hiss at him, embarrassed. But Carter only nods in understanding.

"I was like that too, when I first came to work out in The Congo area. Seems like a long time ago now. So, how was the journey here? Good? Any trouble?" we moved on, Carter beginning to give us the grand tour.

"No, it was fine," I reassure him.

He nods. "You're lucky. Pratt had to walk here." There's a moment of silence after this remark.

"All that way? You're kidding right?" says Ray in astonishment. Then - "You're not kidding!"

"You can shut up now Ray," I tell him, and for once he does what I tell him!

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Please, someone, anyone let this day be over with already, I think to myself as I work on what feels like the millionth patient. I look over at Ray and see him working with a ten year old with a broken arm (A simple complication compared to most. we're lucky when we get these cases, and so are the patients) and I realise with grudging respect, that he is handling all this better then I original thought he would. Even better then me. (Another thing I won't be telling him anytime soon.)

We hear a sudden, desperate cry outside the walls made of thin material, and then the patients who can walk and are not desperately ill start to head outside. "What's going on?" Ray asks me, and I shake my head, also bewildered.

"Supplies just in," says a nurse outside our room, in her thick accent. "You'd better batten down the hatches. Good luck!" then she smiles and disappears, but I take heed of the warning. We finish up with our patients as quick as possible and go to investigate, soon followed by John and Deb.

"Thank God, I was getting worried," says Debbie.

"How come?"

"They're two days late." with that, Deb runs up to the truck to greet a man climbing out the back carrying the medical supplies, holding the boxes close to his chest. I stand back and watch with a sad smile as they kiss and embrace quickly, before hurrying back to us. I soon see what the nurse is talking about, because if they're not careful the truck will be overrun. The mob is now crowding in, banging and shouting on the doors at the back, that are now firmly closed.

"Shouldn't we do something?" I ask in concern. John shakes his head wearily.

"They all know the procedures, they're just desperate. The food supplies are distributed elsewhere."

Debbie and the stranger had now managed to get through and Debbie was introducing us. "This is Dr Dakarai."

He smiles at us mischievously. "How was your first day here?"

I end up smiling back, my first real smile in what seems like ages. "Oh, you know, the usual."

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It's later that night and I find myself unable to sleep. Not used to the confining nets around the bed, I get up to go for a walk outside. I head towards the area outside the sleeping quarters set up for staff. There are two small wooden tables, one of which has a lamp set up on it for light, and I'm relieved to find that I'm not the only one awake.

John and Ray are sitting their quietly talking, and a woman also sits beside Ray, one I don't recognise.

"Hey," Says Ray, looking up. "Can't sleep?"

"This is Gillian," John puts in. I nod at Gillian in greeting, but am instantly wary of her. She sits close to Ray, her arm slightly brushing his as she reaches for drinks. I can't understand why this bothers me, but it does.

"Hi." she says in her thick French accent. "I usually work in the Congo area. But Carter called in a favour, so here I am. I take it you'd be Neela?"

I sit down next to her. "Hi."

There's a moments awkward silence.

"I was just telling everyone about what I like to call the recent end of year disaster back home," Ray informs me casually.

John sighs at this. "Seems like nothing ever changes. No matter where you are, bad things happen. Tell Luka and Abby…tell them I'm sorry." he says hesitantly.

"I'll tell them."

"And about Gallant. I didn't get a chance before Neela. But I…."

"I know. You're sorry," I try not to control my emotions. "But that's not what I came out here for."

Gillian, who is now sitting beside me and Ray, suddenly links her arm with mine, as if we're are now best friends. I flinch at this, but luckily she doesn't notice. "You heard the girl."

They move on to trivial matters. Ray talks about how he wishes he has his guitar, and starts to mention the band he had a chance of joining. But I soon realise that they are treading on eggshells, dancing around the subjects that would normally make for interesting conversation, and then I feel guilty for no sane reason.

I fake a yawn. "You know, suddenly exhausted. Think I will just head to bed."

As I head back inside, I hear Gillian's calls something out to me. "Good idea. According to Debbie, today was a slow one. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

Great. Well, if I was wide awake before, there's no way I'm sleeping now!


	3. Moving On And Letting Go

Thanks again for reviews. I did want to have a couple of original characters in this. But the trouble with setting a story in another country is i want it to be realistic. So I tried looking up some African names but then i got different names for different parts of the country and different meanings and it gets complicated. So there's a boy in this chapter whose name apparently means first born, and that's as far as I've got at the moment. Just a warning, I have no idea if it's accurate or not, just from a site I stumbled across.

_**Chapter Three**_

_**Moving On And Letting Go**_

_I remember my first night clearly, because I had the strangest dream. Now, I know that some people believe that dreams have different meanings that they link to the future or your destiny and all that jazz. Not me. I like to believe in a little thing called free will. Because if that fact were true, then that means that someone, somewhere, knows things that you don't. They're controlling you and playing with you and I don't like that idea. But this dream actually had me wondering….._

Its starts off where I'm back at county. I'm walking down the various corridors, but it's totally empty. No patients, doctors nurses, nothing. I reach the admin area, and there's a few familiar people. There's Abby and Luka, Jerry and Pratt, and Ray and Sam. They're standing there smiling at me, and I think that Abby's holding a baby (something I'll never tell anyone when I tell them this back home). But I can't really see them clearly. And then I see Michael. He's standing there in his army uniform, gazing at me with those soulful eyes of his. This is where I get confused, because I know it's a dream, it has to be. But it feels real. Even when I pinch my arm, it actually hurts (See why I'm wondering about this?) and that's never happened before. I never even remember my dreams to start off with!

So he walks forward, kisses me lightly and tells me "It's going to be alright Neela. You're going to a go on with your life because you have to ok? It's ok to miss me now and then, but don't mourn me forever." With that, just like a cliché out of the movies, he turns around and walks away and starts to fade. Then I turn around to see what everyone else thinks and the only one standing there is Ray. Then everything disappears and I'm standing in a dessert. I start to run, as fast as I can (But of course it's a dream so I'm not actually going that fast) but I can't get anywhere.

Then I wake up, the last image I remember is a sudden fire all around me….strange right? I've woken up earlier then I should have, but I get up anyway for breakfast. The dreams meaning isn't strange in itself. But what freaks me out is that it felt like an actual, real message from Michael…it was just the sort of thing he would have said. Why Ray would be the one left though, I didn't know.

The last person I want to see after that is Ray, but of course it's inevitable isn't it? It just had to happen. I'm sitting eating my breakfast - which is actually good. But then my dream surfaces again and I realise I've lost my appetite. "You look like the meaning to all our problems is in that bowl; you just haven't figured it all out yet!"

"Morning Ray," I mutter, frowning in concentration. I take another spoonful and try to eat more. Then for no reason at all, I ask him, "Do you believe in Faith?" I hadn't meant to ask him, it just came out.

"Does this mean you're talking to me again?" he asked warily, sitting down opposite me.

I smile apologetically. "Yeah, I guess it does. But I mean….Faith, destiny, and karma. Past lives, heaven and hell, fate…"

He holds up his hands. "Whoa, calm down. I got it."

"Well?"

"What bought all of this on?"

I shrug as if it's not important. "Just a dream that I had. It's nothing really, just curious."

"Well, being a doctor, I guess I'm supposed to be a man of science right?" he shrugs. "I guess I believe in something, I just don't know what. Do you mean a religious kind of faith?"

"That's what I figured. Same here usually. And…any kind of faith"

"I sense a but there somewhere. So about this dream….are you gonna tell me or have I gotta pry it out of you? Cause if we're having a big early morning debate…I'd like to know why." He says it good naturedly, so I ignore my sudden urge to lash out at him for not taking me seriously.

"It's about Michael…" I swiftly try to read his reaction. He just continues to look neutrally at me, but maybe there's some flash of emotion deep down, soon replaced again. Now there's nothing. Confusing. I start telling him the details (leaving out the part where he's in the dream). "I just think about if it really was him," I finish, thinking that I know what Ray's answer will be.

"Neela," he says quietly. "I know that what he said to you is what he would have wanted for you. I only met him a couple of times, but even I could tell that much. It sounds like him."

That's what I thought too. And it's not what I had been expecting.

"He might have been there. On the other side of the line though, it could be that it's what you wanted to hear right? You want to know if he's ok and that he's ok with what you're doing in you're life now. So your subconscious makes up this dream. Either way, I'm sure that Michael is fine. If you believe in anything, I guess it's that. He was too good of a man not to be fine."

"Well, I guess we must both believe in something, for you to have said all that."

"I guess we must. Let's just say I'd like to, but there's so much in the world that proves against it."

"And so ends Neela and Rays discussion on life and death, the universe and everything," says Gillian, making me jump and Ray narrow his eyes. "The over all score? I'd say it's a tie."

"Morning," I murmur, going back to my breakfast.

"Bad night?" Ray asks casually.

"I'm sorry," she says to me. "I didn't mean anything by it."

I hate the fact that everyone seems to be apologising to me and so I let it go and get ready for the long day ahead of me.

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It is only our second day here but it feels like it's almost been years. A routine has started to set in and that's good. It keeps me grounded. I feel the heat in the air, even though it's not even mid morning. "Everything ok?" I feel John's probing eyes on my work, but I know somehow that it's not worry or doubt that makes him ask. I sense a kind of protectiveness in his voice.

"Everything's as fine as it can be. Just wondering what trouble Ray's getting himself into!" I suddenly wish I hadn't said anything, because Carter is now looking amused. "What?" I grumble under my breath.

"Nothing. I'll leave you to it." But I don't want him to. Because with every case my heart breaks a little bit more from sadness and conversation helps to relieve it. But then I wouldn't be doing my job.

Ray, as it turns out, is getting himself into lots of trouble. Of course I find out all the details later from various people. At the same time as Iam talking (with the help of a translator of course) to a mother who has polio and her three children who look after her, Ray is befriending a 10 year old boy who can not seem to find his family. His name is Akia.

With the help of Dr Dakarai, Ray manages to laugh and tell jokes with the boy while they look around the clinic, assuming his mother is sick. The boy has a cough that Ray is concerned about and shares this secretly with Dakarai. Later I tell Ray that he shouldn't get too attached to his patients and he tells me that he knew that all along, but something about this place changes you. I have to agree with this, but it seems that I don't know Ray half as well as I thought I did. I don't think he ever gets attached to anything.

It turns out, after searching practically all over the refugee camp, that the boys parents where both killed on the way to the camp from a nearby village. During the attack on the refugees, the boy played dead as the rebels departed from the scene, and he managed to escape. The rest of his family didn't make it, including his younger brother. He was lucky.

Ray doesn't want to leave the boy, but Dakarai tells him that he will be found a place to belong, and it is no longer his responsibility. There are other people to help. I look up as Ray is saying good bye to the boy, and behind them, I see a figure. Michael? It just has to be a trick of the light, but somehow I know that the boy is going to be fine. _I was kind of thinking of asking you out. I was thinking of saying yes_. And I know I will be fine too. As soon as I get the chance, I tell Ray. He smiles and gives me his thanks and hopes the boy will be ok as well, and tonight I know I will have no trouble sleeping.


	4. Fire, Smoke and Ashes

There will be a couple of oc's introduced in this chapter but they don't play a big part. Not that happy with this, but its better late then never!

_**Chapter Four**_

_**Fire, smoke and Ashes**_

We've been in Darfur for almost two weeks now, but it almost feels like years. I really miss the rain. I've almost forgotten what it feels like. But I guess that's how everyone feels out here. And the insects…don't even get me started. So many bugs fly around the lights at night that I loose count…I don't like to think about it. Ray always teases me. "You're twice the size of them!" He soon shuts up when Carter tells him that some can carry dangerous illnesses. Ray has nothing to say while I hide a laugh. I always love to be one up over him.

But not everything is so bad here. I like to think of the country as a hidden jewel, a diamond in the rough. It has a harsh beauty that stretches on for what seems like eternity. The people here especially have a hidden depth to them. A strength and courage; a kind of power about them that I admire greatly. There's a beauty in everything that they do.

I watch as Ray stands with Carter and Dakarai having a brief break and I wish suddenly that I had a camera, although I've never had the urge to take a photograph in my life. Of course, the image is soon shattered when Gillian walks up to the three of them. She leans close to Ray and whispers something to him, pointing in the direction of the clinic. She stays longer then she has to and leaves with a lingering look behind her. Carter is more amused then ever now.

I turn to Debbie. "Is she always like that?"

Debbie nods absently, her concentration on her boyfriend. "Pretty much. She was with Luka. She likes the attention I guess."

I have indeed noticed this about Gillian, just as I've noticed the spark between her and Ray. Hard to miss actually. Ok, time for a distraction.

"Debbie, are you ok?" I ask her then, realising that something obviously is. She's trying her best to hide it, but as an expert on this subject, I can tell.

"It's nothing," she pushes it aside, acting all professional.

"There are three new doctors arriving in a few days. Just thought I'd let you know."

"They're all American?" I ask, playing along for now.

She nods in confirmation. "There's Sarah White, Connor Ravens and Reece Adams. I'd like you to help me show them the ropes. Introduce them to the families etc"

For a moment, I'm genuinely distracted. "But…I'm new myself," I protest.

"Right. So I have to train you up in this part of the job as well, don't I? So you'll know what to do for next time."

"Next time? That's interesting…I guess it'll just be like training med students"

"You'll be back."

"So, what's really wrong? I know I don't have any right to ask…."

"You're right. You don't."

Another silence. Just when I've started to give up she blurts out…"Dakarai asked me to marry him."

I'm stunned. Not what I'd been expecting. "That's…wow." I finally get out.

"Now you know where I am!"

"But, isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" I'm now very confused.

"I told him to give me a few days. And then there's his illness. And there's me. I don't know if I'm the marrying kind.

I hesitate, not sure why I started this conversation, or how I'm supposed to help her.

"I never thought I was the type either," I finally admit. "I mean, my parents always wanted that for me. But I never knew if it was the right life for me. But then Michael and I got married in a day."

"Really?"

"Sure. No planning, no booking in advance. It was spontaneous and wonderful. I realise no matter what happened later, all the arguments and his death that it's not like I wasn't happy. And we'd known for ages it's what we wanted anyway. What I'm saying is, you might know what you want, go for it and it might still get taken away. So you should still go for it, because otherwise you'll always wonder what it could have been like."

Oh, that had sounded so sappy and full of clichés. But I was done being miserable, so bring on the clichés.

Debbie is looking relieved and grateful. "You mean that don't you? But…I still have to think about it."

"Of course you do."

"You know, Dakarai supposedly means happiness," she tells me, and I can guess she has already made up her mind.

"Let's get these lazy people to work then," she's standing up now.

Pleased that I'd helped her, I followed her. I hadn't had that many girlfriends. I've mostly hung around guys. There were a couple of friends back in London, and Abby, so this is nice. At least we have something to talk about now!

Of course my good mood doesn't last. Ray makes a big save later on in the day and it's all anyone can talk about, so I'm proud of him for that. But then I head to our sleeping quarters to get something, and who should I run into?

They are standing close together. I freeze and nearly drop my water.

I see her kissing him and it's more then friendly and innocent. There's no such thing as an innocent kiss anyway. It's the kind that lets you know exactly where things could lead if you let them. I turn around and walk away, without looking back. After all, it's not the top thing on my list to see in the world and I don't want to remember it. But the image is now imprinted and I can't seem to think about anything else.

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The day was supposed to be simple, or as simple as possible. The aim was to get medical supplies for the clinic. I was to go with Ray and Carter, but things don't ever go to plan.

After witnessing Ray and Gillian, I was feeling angry and on edge for no sane reason. It was Rays own business what he did after all, and it was my business what I did.

The fact that my own romantic life was so screwed up at the moment didn't help any. I'd had a couple of one night stands back home but apart from that, nothing. I know, I know, very un Neela, but I was feeling ridiculously impulsive and also upset at the time so I didn't really know what I was feeling. A very dangerous mood where anything can happen. But the thought of anything serious happening with anyone is scary and new, which I know should be good thing -but in my case not so much- and I can't deal with it. I don't want to hurt anyone, or end up hurt again, which makes me think I'll end up an old lady alone with her cats. And that makes me decidedly against the whole Ray/Neela thing.

"Neela," says Ray.

"What?"

"Starting the truck would be a good thing."

Oh yeah. I'd forgotten that I'd stupidly forgotten to volunteer to drive. I started up and drove fiercely for the first five minutes. The truck sat three in front, me then Ray then John.

"You get up on the wrongs side of bed Neela?" asks Carter, searching for something to hold on to. Ray is doing the same, gritting his teeth.

"Maybe you should have asked Gillian if you hate my driving skills so much. I'm sure ray wouldn't have minded!" That was really stupid, and I'm not five, but I can't help it. Ray looks panicked for a moment but that can't be right. Then he suddenly gets it and his eyes clear of confusion.

"You think…me and Gillian?"

"I saw what I saw."

"I know you did, but come on. Nothing's going on and if there was, why am I explaining, myself to you?"

"Hey, look. Whatever you do is your business. I just thought we were sort of friends right? It'd be nice to know these things is all. So I can avoid walking in on…whatever in the future."

"You didn't walk in on anything. She came on to me. I backed off but by then you'd left."

"You only did that because you saw me."

"Guys," this was from Carter, trying to interrupt.

"but I don't see why I should defend myself about this."

"Neela…"

"Do you mind, we're trying to have a debate here," I snap at him.

I knew thatRay was genuinely bewildered and he had every right to be. I was behaving unforgivably childishly

"You're jealous!"he exclaims suddenly. He says it like it is the biggest discovery in the world I loath him because he's partly right.

"You're living in a fantasy Ray."

"Watch out for the road!" Carter's voice is sharp now, and has been on at us for a while but only now do I take any notice of the real world. I recoil in horror to see a man running towards the supply truck earnestly and I can tell something's wrong. He's wounded badly. I swerve to avoid impact and feel the tire go flat as I try to regain control, driving over sharp rocks hidden in the sand.

We come to an abrupt stop against some high sand dunes a little way off from the flatter ground that passes for access across the desert. Carter is out immediately but I can tell from here that the man, who has collapsed to the earth, is stone cold.

"You're so lucky we've got a spare," Ray hisses at me.

"I can't believe you two," Carter shouts at me. "Have you lost your minds?"

Ray gets out to start preparing the spare tire, but a growing uneasiness is spreading through me. I lower myself to the ground and start crawling slowly up the dunes, and peer over the top. I'm glad the boys are distracted by the tire and don't call out to see what I'm doing. I don't know myself really. But as I continue to stare, I remember something that both Greg and Luka said to me as a goodbye. I don't know if it's meant as comfort or a warning. What happens in Africa stays there, but this would follow me wherever I went.

Thereis fire everywhere I look. Wooden buildings burnt to ashes. People killed as they run. People screaming right below me and I can't do anything. Rebels on horseback shouting and laughing and raising their guns.

Luckily the sound of our accident has been disguised by all of this noise down there. I hurry back down, hoping I haven't been seen.

Ican see John and Ray have both frozen, eyes fixed grimly on me. "We have to get out of here!"

Ray nods earnestly. "Nearly done."

Carter is already behind the wheel, ready to go.

"Hurry Ray," I gasp. "They'll find us, they'll find us…any minute…"

Finally it's done. The quickest tire change in history though. Carter puts the truck in gear and then I help Ray in just as the first man comes into view over the dunes.

"Go!" we shout as one. I look back, I can't help it. There is the sound of shots and we all duck instinctively, Ray pulling me close to him. "John, you ok?" Ray calls out.

"Just great!"

"Where are we going?" I ask in relief, noting the riders have fallen behind.

"Back to the camp. Its a few miles. We'll have to leave supplies for a week or so. It'll be hard, but the desert will be more secure. They will have moved on."

I'm hit by a random thought as I pull away from Ray's protective embrace and I remember my dream I'd had. I'd woken up with an image of fire and wonder if there's a connection. wierd coincidence.

"About before," John says then, "Your big debate? Did I miss something?"

TBC…


End file.
